Mood:  caffeinated

I can now tell that being both a crammer and an idealist is not a very good combination. Being two traits that partly constitute my personality, these two have proven to be disastrous—at least as far as tonight is concerned. Ang unproductive ko (debatable pa yan).

Tonight is another night of thesis-making for me. A night of endless literature-reading, of countless outlines and revisions. Thanks to Paul and some friends (Andre, RC, Dio and Athena to mention a few), YM has at least kept me physically close to Sylvia (our PC). Otherwise I (or my spirit) would have wandered somewhere else.

I love distraction. I love the feeling of being distracted just as not to satiate myself from all these ideas I have in mind. But I have to focus. If I regard research as my art—and I do so now—then I have to attempt to be at least good at it; if not, then just relish the process. As I have repeatedly mentioned throughout, “ang proseso ay importante [sa art].” Then again, I always wait for my right mood in doing my art: I dance when I feel like dancing; I sketch when I feel like sketching. Which made me ask, “Should I research just when I feel like doing it?”

My professors would have crossly said no (or “hell no!”—our university allows some degree of swearing for the profs).

Call me lazy, complacent or crazy. I just cannot focus right now (and I am not making any excuses). I have so many ideas in my mind. I wish I could just write them down in one sweep, the same way I’m inscribing my thoughts at this very moment. But I can’t. And being an “outline person” (yep, I am!) does not help. I start with outlines—then more outlines—then more ones until I get the desired result (parang instant cake mix). In my case, the cake just remains as batter. Unbaked and raw.

The question “Why won’t the batter turn into cake?” is similar to asking: “Why do I feel like I have not read enough literature?” or  “Why do I get the feeling that I have not searched for the right books and authors?”.  My thesis has become my unfinished symphony, my unfinished sketch, my halted dance, but with a deadline that is way past overdue. And as an idealist, I know what I have done is far from what I have in mind. But I have to cope up with the real world—by cramming.

I have so much to put into writing. I just do not know where to start. All I have right now are countless outlines (pages of them). So many ideas, so many more I’d like to add. The more I read, the more I feel like there is more to write. Being an idealist does not help. So does being a crammer.

I am ending this post. Poink!

Feel me savor my labor pains.

 Uulitin ko, yung proseso ang importante.

Blogged by Boggley, the-arcangel at 5:42 AM JST

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Mood:  a-ok

Thesis na naman ako. Yep. I am planning on submitting my second draft this Monday.  Haay. Gender Politics and Communication in the Urban Dance Floor. Kaya yan. Aja!

I had a great chat with April of UP CRS yesterday. Kakatuwa, she likes drawing too. Naiinspire tuloy akong magpractice pa... She told me to try doing some work using oil paint. Sabi ko, baka masayang kasi di ko pa nasusubukan. Saya sigurong umpisahan yun ngayon kasi inspired pa naman ako.

Pero sabi ko nga, ang process ay importante.  

Tapos, natulog lang kami sa tambayan. Puyat e. Wala pang gaanong tulog from the overnight. I was waiting for Paul. Magkikita dapat kami after his training ng sport climbing.

Ayun, nagising ako with a message from Chuck. Met him sa library tapos nagkwentuhan. Past, present and future--dami napagkwentuhan. Narealize ko na ang dami ko na palang napagdaanan. He was the first person who asked me to tell my mom and dad that I love them. He introduced me to a lot of things. Opened up my mind and made me soar to greater heights. 

Now, I am soaring even much higher kasama yung mahal ko sa buhay. Ganun nga talaga siguro, natututo ka with each experience. No regrets. Gaya nga ng sabi ni Jj parati, "happiness lang, stan. happiness." 

Di na kami nagkita ni Paul. *sigh* Went home with Ynah.  

I'm looking to more flights and dances. 

Blogged by Boggley, the-arcangel at 2:39 PM WST

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Mood:  caffeinated

We spent our night @ Ysaw's place. 

Beejay, Aya, Ton, Ynah, Cathy, Ching, Age were there. Kulang na lang sila Enzo (bahay, di namin classmate), Malor (nasa Korea pa, papakaexchange student) and Briggs (nasa Bicol, data gathering). Saya. Namiss ko itong working together.

Ang daming food. Sobra. Talagang pinaghandaan. Ang sakit na nga ng tyan ko. We had vegetables, chicken and pork for dinner. Tapos daming chocolates, chips and cookies for midnight snack. Brewed coffee rin ang nagpagising samin. Tapos hotdog, bacon, pancakes, orange and apple juices ang sumalubong samin nung breakfast. 

Ultimate hosts talaga ang mga parents ng batchmates ko! *Busog*

Tapos walang tulugan. Sharing sa paganalyze ng mga political advertisements for signs of Filipino communicative behavior. Kakapuyat. Pero nagawa rin namin ang trabaho namin dun. Yung group nila Ysa, nakagawa pa ng communication plan for our other subject.

I am just glad everything is turning back to normal sa block namin. Makes me want to smile now.  Mahal na mahal ko ang block ko. 

Next time, overnight for fun naman. hehe. 

I feel giddy. 

Blogged by Boggley, the-arcangel at 12:01 AM WST

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Mood:  don't ask

I am here at celebrity sports plaza with cathy, leah, ching and ynah. I was late for our meeting, as usual. Instead of on time, I was four hours late. Staying up late last night for the fair was not a good idea after all. Although I have to say I had fun with alex and the rest of the gang.

Feeling ko para akong lolo kagabi sa kakaubo lalo na kapag malamig. To think that I seldom smoke. Last time was last December pa (and the rest of the pack is still with me for remembrance).

I had Celebrity Salad and hot calamansi for merienda. Cathy and I shared spaghetti. After that, all we did was think, think and think.

Now, my brain has turned to goop. Pure goop.

Everything was brighter a while ago... Now the Sports Lounge has turned into a real hangout place for people who actually want to relax. Haha.

The videoke is playing... It's very tempting to grab some alcohol and sing out loud. It's been a while since I last went out to drink.

But I can't. I'm still sick.

Happy. Happy.

Blogged by Boggley, the-arcangel at 12:01 AM WST

Updated: Wednesday, 21 February 2007 11:11 AM WST

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