Walang Hiya?
Mood:  blue
Topic: Family
I was chatting with Jong and Phillip when my dad came home raging mad. He was mad at us because we have been walang hiya.

He asked me what has been keeping me from shifting the net connection from dialup to broadband. I told him I am busy doing my thesis and the transition could lead to several days of zero access because hi instructions involved the condition of terminating dialup connection first before giving the release signal for broadband net connection.

Punyetang thesis yan!

Then he went on to my two brothers. He called them walang hiya for reasons I cannot comprehend. It was really terrible.

Just when I thought that the night would be about our mistakes, he went on by saying:

Ano, nangagago kayo kasi gago ako? Kung ayaw nyo sakin, kayo ang lumayas.

Niloloko kayo ng nanay nyo samantalang ako ang nagmamalasakit sa inyo.


What does that supposed to mean?

Still Sane
Mood:  bright
Topic: Family

My itinerary for today:

Morning: Analysis and writeup of previous interviews 

15:00: Interview Louay's friend @ Greenbelt

16:00: Interview Ryan @ Greenbelt 

00:00: Participant Observations @ O-bar and Bed in Malate. 

 

I have been asking myself why I chose to pursue a qualitative study despite knowing that it is harder than pursuing a quantitative one (some might argue with me, but I am speaking in terms of the volume of data that you are dealing with and the absence of SPSS that could help simplify all my work). Not that I am having regrets with what I am doing, in fact have been giving a lot of effort with this work. However, some problems are really getting in the way.

Although people think of me as a very spontaneous person, I am also much of a worry wort. Contrary to popular belief, I also plan stuff out. In fact, I can be obsessive about it at times.  I know I am not having problems right now, but my resources (yup money) are running out very fast. Being the eldest son doesn't help either. Knowing the financial crisis our family is facing, I have tried my best to help by not asking for extra money aside from my allowance (which I think is just enough for me to carry on). And now, I do not know what happens once I run out of money.

Add that to the fact that I have to limit my night-outs for data gathering because I might set as a bad example to my brothers. That includes, "Anak, wag mong hayaang mawala ang respeto ko sa iyo. Sana alam mo yung ginagawa mo. Itigil mo na ang kalokohan mo."  

 

I am beginning to hate myself. I am torn between getting doing my responsibilities and trying to give time to myself. I am sorry for being an irresponsible student council vice chairperson, a graduation committee associate head and an organization member. I am taking one thing at a time right now. I need time to smile and be kind to myself first. Pasensya na,wala na talaga akong mukhang maiharap sa inyo. 

 

My Sister is Function Manager
Mood:  celebratory
Now Playing: Hoplessly Addicted by the Corrs
Topic: Family

Went to my sister's function today (Click the picture above for more photos). Got the chance to witness once more that even spoiled, bratty, kikay only-sisters also have great skills and talents especially in managing and organizing buffets. With meager funds--and some delays caused by the late release of their funds by the College Dean--they were able to pull it off. Although I have to say that the delays and the rush deprived the pansit (which I was told was somebody's recipe) of taste.

 

I was impressed with the way they rearranged everything inside--I loved the lighting, the fixtures and the centerpieces (the ambiance was better than your previous Mediterranean function). 

 

Congratulations, Jown and groupmates!!! Tapos na ang function, pera naman ang problemahin ninyo (lalo ka na Joan). hehe.

Happy Mother's Day!!!
Mood:  energetic
Topic: Family
You see, there are only a few important women in my life. They are so important that I would place them a notch higher than my truest friends. They are so dear to me, that I would do everything to keep them. They are assured of my love and care, no matter what.

Let me tell you something about them. Well, one of them is not a mom yet, but two of them are. I do not think that I am that successful yet, but so far, I think I have made some good things with my life. I owe these good things to these three people. Let me sum it up by saying that “behind a (put any good adjective that describes me) Stan Pe?alosa are three beautiful women.” However, because it is Mom’s day today, this blog entry is going to be for my Mom and Nanay.

You see, my mom is not living with us here in the Philippines. Like most moms, she has to endure being parted with her children just so they can have good food and education. I know that is hard, but that was the better solution. With that, she has to endure people criticizing her for leaving her kids. But you see, like most OFW moms, she has the courage to do it. But unlike other OFW moms, I consider her more special. She has given us what we need. She treats people who are important to us well and accepts them wholeheartedly. She gives us all her love and sacrifices her pleasure for our welfare.

My lola, Nanay, has also done that. She has become my mom’s substitute. Instead of staying in Norway (in UAE, Palawan or in Bataan--she is a bit of a traveller), she chose to spend time with us. You see, she had to endure some my dad’s harsh ways just to take care of us. She watched us grow on my mother’s behalf. She laughed, cried and got funky with us through the years. I am just very thankful for having a very supportive Lola like her.

I want to dedicate plenty of things to these people: my talents, the trust that I gained from the people by being part of the Student Council for two consecutive years, by getting the highest grades in a number of my CMC and major subjects, the confidence that my friends give me when consulting me about academics and life, my dreams and my ideals. I want them to see me graduate and become what I want to be. I would return all the favors they have given me with all my love (if they wish for liposuction, tummy tuck, facelift, or an Omega Constellation watch, so be it!). This may be impossible but I want to give them all the happiness in the world.
Happy Mother’s day to you both.

Leider, nicht so Gut
Mood:  blue
Topic: Family
I told Cathy last night that no matter what happens, your home will always be your home. It is the most likely place where you will still be welcomed. I gave this advice because I think I have become the prodigal son by being back here last Saturday night. Going home is my last resort to help me with what I am going through.

Just when I thought I am starting to relieve myself from everything, I began to realize that that this is the same house where my dad, Johnny Pe?alosa lives. I just did when he woke me up this morning and asked whether I have really enrolled for summer classes or not. Apparently, he asked the maid why I am still here. She told him the real reason, that my bosses at DCAAP are in China right now and there is no need for us to report in the office this week.

There are also many reasons why I do not feel like spending my week in our apartment. First, John left our apartment last Saturday because he had to prepare for his boracay trip with the rowing team. Second, I am having financial difficulties recently and there was no one to back me up, considering that John has been really busy with his stuff (although he already has helped me in more ways than one). Third, I miss airconditioning, Sylvia (our speedy PC) and watching cable TV.

I remember Cathy saying this in our chat: "there are some issues that you cannot avoid." Like the rest of us, household issues come and go. But in my case, these issues are the main reasons why I have always wanted to live a life outside this house. I actually have done that: hoping that I could completely move out after Im done with college.

Waking up in the morning realizing all this is not the type that will perk up my day, nor this will help my purpose of staying here. I just want to be out of this place as soon as possible. If I had the money, I would have gone back to our apartment and finished my work there. I came here to think things over and give myself a rest. Now I do not know what to do or where to go.

And other people have stuff to do too. No replies and texts, nothing.